The ten times we met
by Trips to Neverland
Summary: They were less than lovers, but more than friends. every meeting led to something different as they meet ten separate times.
1. love, but not really!

**Timeline: Shuichi's dating Akemi.**

Every now and then in life, we question our decisions, we evaluate our acts and situations then compare them to what we expected our life to be, unfortunately, most of the time we find that our life is going in a different direction from what we expected, different in a bad way.

Jodie looked around her apartment as she thought about her life and how much it's different from what she wanted it to be.

Her parents died when she was seven and the people who killed them are still living their life freely. The man she loves left her, its okay –she thought once she accepted the fact that he's in love with some other girl- she will get over him someday and she will meet another man, except that almost one year had passed and Shuichi never left her heart, she sees him in everything. Why can't she just forget about him? He must be having fun with Akemi right now as she thinks about him constantly, she bets he never thinks of her once with Akemi so why should she take the trouble of thinking about him.

She wanted him out of her mind but couldn't help but realized she was truly, madly, deeply in love with him.

Jodie took out the dark grey hoodie from the suitcase placing it on her bed, it was Shuichi's, she had it for years now, ever since they were dating but never dared to get rid of it nor to give it back. But now, It was the time for some change. She turned to face the door dragging the two big suitcases.

* * *

 _three weeks ago…_

As Shuichi infiltrated the organization, there was a man –who worked as a bartender- he suspected to be part of them. He sent the report to James who assigned the mission to Jodie to keep an eye on him.

She parked her car outside the bar and waited for him to come out. These missions were always the worst for her, she'd invest so much time and effort with no much reward. She felt tired as sleep started taking over her lids, Jodie opened the last can of coffee she's been saving. Even the coffee reminded her of Shu, there was no escape from him, he is everywhere.

The young man finally left the bar and headed towards his car, Jodie followed him with her eyes preparing to start the engine but the man grabbed a little bag from his car and headed towards the alley on the bar's right on foot.

Jodie's eyes turned wide awake, she's been following him for a week and every day, he'd leave his job and head to his house and stay there all night, this was the first time she notices something suspicious.

She took some quick continuous sips from her drink before she left the car and walked towards the alley quickly, once she reached it, she slowed down.

Her paces were cautiously taken as she sticked to the wall on her right, she walked slowly, right hand reaching for her gun to check it was in its place in her coat.

It was dark, it was cold and the alleyway was spine-chilling. Jodie continued walking when she heard some steps behind her, she stopped, they stopped, she looked back… there was nothing, but then she was certain she heard them.

She started walking again hoping that the young man ahead of her won't notice her until she heard some sound behind her again, she stopped and looked back but there was nothing. Jodie started walking in the opposite direction back to where her car was parked, there certainly is someone behind her and to uncover him now would be better than having to face him in the middle of the long, abandoned alleyway.

She started walking back slowly, heart beating fast, hand on her gun inside her pocket. She reached a Garbage Can and to her surprise, there was a tall well-built man hiding behind it, a man with green eyes she knew too well, it was Shuichi.

Jodie looked over her shoulder fast to where she last saw the bartender but he was nowhere to be seen, she turned to face Shuichi again with an angry glare.

"what are you doing here?" she hissed.

"I'm here to watch him"

"you're not supposed to be watching him, it's my mission"

"I figured he might be dangerous, you might need some help"

"Oh thank you for your help, thanks to you I lost him," she said looking away from him as her face flushed in rage " I've been waiting for this opportunity for a whole week and now it's wasted because of you"

"Is this what I get for risking my mission because I'm worried about you?" Shuichi calmly said as he lit up a cigarette.

"I can take care of myself, and why would you care in the first place, You were the one who ended things" it was a typical thing from Jodie to say, she was always the type to mix all of the things bothering her and to let them out once angry.

Shuichi breathed through his cigarette as he looked at her, he thought she was going to say something else but no, she was actually waiting for his answer "because I was worried about you" he mumbled through the dark.

"when you ended things you didn't worry about me so don't pretend that you care now" Jodie snapped before she started walking out of the alleyway to her car.

"Jodie!"

No response

"Jodie!"

No response, she just kept on walking until Shuichi wrapped her wrist in his grip just before she took the turn pulling her back.

"I'm not pretending, I do care about you, otherwise why would I risk my mission to make sure you're safe" he loosened his grip a little as he continued "I didn't leave you because I don't love you anymore. I'm sure you know that, Jodie."

Shu let go of her, by that time, her anger disappeared as fast as it appeared, she turned to face him and took a moment of thinking before she talked "Are you still dating her?" she asked, already knowing the answer.

Shu nodded his head before he took another breath from his cigarette.

"Just keep in mind that they are the enemy, that they are bad people, and that she is a bad person"

Shuichi threw the cigarette from his hand, pressing on it muscularly with his foot "don't say that Jodie, you know nothing about her" he said before he walked through the alley with wide paces, Jodie walked back to her car in the opposite direction.

* * *

Three weeks have passed as Shuichi didn't contact Jodie, it was the longest they never talked, Jodie didn't realize how critical what she said was until she reached her apartment, she regretted every word she said, what was she thinking? it was as if she begged him to get back with her, at least that's how she perceived it.

She felt awful for this, and for various other reasons which resulted in her decision.

As she dragged the heavy suitcases, she heard a knock on the door to her apartment. She opened the door exposing the man with the charming green eyes.

"Good morning," she said in a dry tone, blue eyes drifting down on his shirt from embarrassment.

" Good morning," Shu said as his eyes examined the place "so what I heard is true, you really are leaving"

"Yes," Jodie said taking three steps to where the suitcases are "I'm late, my flight leaves in an hour"

"You were going to leave without saying goodbye to me?"

"We don't really talk much anymore so what difference does it make!"

Shuichi got inside closing the door behind him, he aimed for the couch when he saw his grey hoodie placed on the bed in her open-doored bedroom. He walked inside and grabbed it only to boost Jodie's embarrassment, he was over her and dating someone else as she was keeping his clothes.

"I found it in a box under the bed, now you can have it back" she explained. Although it was kept in her closet, and it was one of her favorite things to wear once home alone "I should get going, you came just in time to give me a hand with the suitcases"

"Jodie, are you sure you're going to leave?"

"yes, I arranged everything for me in America, it's where I belong" she sighed.

"I don't understand, you were so determined to stop them so why would you suddenly decide to leave?"

"I want to start fresh Shu, I've had enough with them. Don't worry, it has nothing to do with you, really I just, I want to have a normal life"

Jodie really wanted to start fresh, Shu might have a little bit to do with this decision but it was mainly due to other reasons.

"You're gonna be a loss to us, you were always a great agent," Shuichi said. Jodie nodded, tears almost betraying her as they started invading her blue eyes "what about your parents?"

"You're a great agent too Shuichi, I'm sure one day you're gonna break them for my parents" Jodie took a quick glance at her wristwatch before she continued "Now I'm really really late, let's go, which one you're gonna carry?" she asked pointing at the suitcases.

"I'm not carrying anything"

"what!" Jodie asked, brows rising up.

"I don't want you to leave, why would I help you do something I don't want"

"Shu, it's not the time for your games, I'm seriously late"

"At least tell me why you really want to leave?" he said from his spot resting a shoulder on the doorframe of the bedroom.

"Carry this, I'll tell you on the way," Jodie said as she started dragging one of the suitcases towards the door.

"No, I want to know now" Shuichi walked to her grabbing the suitcase from her hand.

"Shu, give me the suitcase," she said as she tried to pull it from his tight grip helplessly "Shu, let go"

"just give me one good reason y-…"

"LET GO," she said.

"Not until you-…"

"it's because I'm tired okay! I'm tired of everything, of you and of the job and of the organization. I wish I was born in a normal family where my parents would be there to celebrate my birthdays as I grow, I would've dated a normal guy that I don't have to worry about him dying every single day" Jodie's voice cracked as she went on "why did I have to lose my parents? As if it wasn't bad enough, I have to worry every day about all the people I love, why do all of them have to be in a constant danger, even me. It was hard to live this as a child, but now I've had enough, I want to live for myself once, I don't want to worry anymore"

Tears came out of her eyes like water from a dam, ideas she's been keeping for years now and never dared to even think of were coming out of her mouth straight to his ear. Shuichi let go of the suitcases, he wrapped his arms around her tightly cupping the back of her head with his hand running it through her golden hair.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" he was sorry for her and what she's been through, for not realizing she was feeling all of this, for provoking her to go this far, for leaving her as she loved him...

"take me to the airport," Jodie said through her sobs, Shu pulled himself away to look at her, all the mascara she was wearing was now a black smudge under her eyes, he wiped it off with his thumbs before he reached to the two suitcases. After all, he can't deny any request for her now.

He took a long way to the airport, combined with the traffic that he for once in his life was liking, Jodie missed her flight. She bought another ticket for three days from now but it was more than enough time for Shu to convince her of staying.

* * *

half of the meeting are done, finally :D I hope you liked them.


	2. Grief

**Timeline: the day Shu learned Akemi was killed.**

* * *

Shuichi eyed the amber liquid and the golden glow of the glass-like cubes. Wrapping his fingers around the glass, he raised it to sip. A sour taste slipped into his mouth followed by a keen burn on his tongue and throat. He lowered the glass to the table, letting it fall heavily.

It was the last glass of the whiskey bottle he's just opened hoping to steal away his reality, but it only left him questioning how someone could feel this terrible after drinking the whole bottle.

It helped him to lose his sharpness, it was as if nothing from his surroundings existed, everything disappeared as all his energy centered around one thought, Akemi.

His eyes looked down at his phone for the fourth time in ten minutes.

'If I manage to leave the organization after this, will you go out with me as my real boyfriend? '

Yes, yes, yes… he wanted to tell her a thousand yes but as hard as it was, he preferred not to answer. He thought that making contact with her would risk her safety seeing that he's been uncovered as an FBI agent to the organization two years ago causing him to move back to America where he's been taking some smaller missions.

But now that James called him stating that Akemi was killed yesterday, he regretted it. In that moment the sure knowledge that life would go on without her, that time was only stopped for her, undid him completely. If only he knew he would've flown to Japan and protected her, he would've killed Gin before he'd killed her or he would've taken the bullet himself.

She was his only shelter back then when he sunk into the darkness of the organization, he sunk deep enough he could've turned into someone like Gin but Akemi was there to prevent it from happening and to remind him of the existing of light. And how he paid her back? By using her to get a higher ranking in the organization.

Looking at the name at the bottom of the text made his stomach roll. 'Dai kun' she didn't even get to know his real name. All he did was lying and all he got in return was her continued support and unconditional love.

One thing Shuichi didn't lie about is that he truly loved her. As if it weren't bad enough that he lost the girl he loved, he felt completely responsible for her death, that if it weren't for him she wouldn't have been dragged into the dirty work of the organization. The guilt sat on his chest and inside his brain doubling his misery.

What is to replace those roots of her? Even if she wasn't next to him there was always a root to reach her, and he was certain he was going to walk it one day until Gin decided to burn it.

Shuichi stood up just to fall back down on the couch, it was only then that he realized he was actually drunk, everything around him swayed like if they were part of a mirror maze but he needed more alcohol for his brain to shut down its thinking abilities. He toppled his way to the kitchen where he picked up another bottle of the same drink.

As he was about to open it, he heard three knocks on the door to his apartment. He didn't feel like seeing anyone so he decided to ignore it as he started drinking the second bottle but the person knocking the door was very insisting and every knock came to Shuichi's ear like a knock on his head.

* * *

She was in New York for a one-week vacation, there weren't many updates on the organization and therefore Jodie took the opportunity to fly back to her hometown for one week where she can enjoy its weather and catch up with her old friends and most importantly, see Shu whom she missed a lot.

She was planning to surprise him until James called her telling her about Akemi's death. It was the girl who stole Shu's heart and caused him to break up with her, she'd always hated her but now that she realized she's dead, she found herself feeling upset.

She felt sad for Akemi who had nothing to do with the organization except a boyfriend who happened to be an FBI agent. She thought about Shuichi and wondered how he can be handling this right now? It must be hard to him. Jodie eventually decided to cancel her visit. She couldn't just go comfort her ex whom she still loves for the loss of his new love.

Jodie took another sip of her cup of wine trying to brush the idea away from her mind only to end up failing every time. This was Shu, he friend before being anything else and she knew for sure that if she were to face a problem, he would be the first to help her. She couldn't let him deal with all of this alone, she knew that it'd kill her if she ever lost him and seeing that he loved Akemi, he must be going through the same.

Eventually, she found herself knocking on his door.

As Jodie was about to leave thinking that he is not home –despite the turned on lights - the door opened exposing the well-built man in a poorly maintained posture.

"Shu!"

"Jodie!" Shuichi said as Jodie's head moved slightly backward, the smell of whiskey was so strong in his mouth "it been a long time"

Jodie proceded to hug him, it's been a long time since she last came to New York and paid him a visit

"I know it's been six months" Shuichi hugged her back as she went on "I missed you"

" … me too"

"I heard about what happened I'm so sorry"

Shuichi nodded in return taking seven staggering paces back to the couch followed by Jodie who sat next to him. She didn't even know what to say and it made her feel uncomfortable as an awkward silence wrapped the room, maybe it wasn't the best decision to come.

"I know it's hard, I went through the same when I lost my parents" She finally added after ensuring Shu wasn't planning to say a thing " you just need to be strong and time will heal you, I know it healed to me"

"I'm fine Jodie" he finally said reaching a hand to the bottle filling another glass. His eyes, on the other hand, said otherwise.

"Did you drink all of this?" she asked pointing at the empty bottle. Akai looked at her with raised brows as if it took him a big effort to process the question.

"yeah," he answered after a while.

Jodie took away the glass from his hand "enough for tonight, you drunk a lot"

Shuichi didn't protest, he just turned his head looking forward focusing a glassy look on something, or maybe nothing.

"if there's any way I can help you, just know I'm here"

"I'm fine"

Jodie knew him better, he was not fine. He had a lot of things to say but he was just holding them back and it was just typical from him.

"okay then, I guess I should go. I'm supposed to be meeting my friends in thirty minutes. I am always just a phone call away" Jodie said intending to stand up –she did what she had to do, her conscience is clear and she was good to go- that's when Shu's head tilted to rest on her shoulder.

Jodie looked at him from the corner of her eye, not sure whether he did that on purpose or if it's a part of the loss of balance he was dealing with. He seemed smaller than usual as if he had shrunk. He used to always hold her placing her head under his chin but now he was barely able to make it to the height of her eyes with his hunched back.

"you're not fine" Jodie sighed without getting a response.

She wrapped an arm around his shoulders pulling him close. He was cold to the touch and he was indeed smaller, he got skinnier from the last time she hugged him goodbye before she headed back to Japan.

" We all need help at times like this Shu, it's okay to be sad" she gently added.

"you know, I killed her" he finally slured, being the most open version of himself.

"you didn't kill her Shu"

"if it weren't for me she wouldn't have…" he trailed off. Jodie tightened her arms around him.

"she was misfortunate that her parents were members, it had nothing to do with you"

This was the most open Shu can be, he shut his mouth and never opened it again as Jodie held him in silence.

Akai felt a sudden emptiness in his heart, a heavy feeling that's like the weight of the world was resting on his shoulders and there is nothing he can do to get out from under it.

He looked tired and despite his stoic personality, he seemed to be in so much pain, enough for Jodie to notice and wonder how come he is so miserable after drinking a whole bottle of whiskey.

Guilt was eating him and Greif was pestering him and there was only the gentle hug to make it better. He stayed in her embrace with a lump in his throat though tears failed to leave his olive green eyes. Sure she was gone, but first, he had to accept that she is really dead, then maybe he can cry.

* * *

Hi! I just wanted to say that some of the meetings will be inspired by events in the manga like this one, but there'll also be some meeting inspired by pure imagination like the next one :)


	3. Honey bear

**Timeline: back when Shu and Jodie used to date.**

* * *

It's been already seven days, and Jodie's still acting weird. Shuichi was smart enough to notice but dumb enough to not know why.

Sure he asked her about it twice but she answered him with the famous "I'm fine" without even making eye contact with him. In fact, she hasn't been looking him in the eye much at all. This certainly isn't a good sign.

He tried asking her if he did something wrong "I don't know. Did you?" she answered… Umm, as far as he remembers, he didn't.

She sighs, for seemingly no reason at all and she talks less, but why? he wondered.

They've been dating for six months as they started working their way up to a career in the FBI, both holding a possession in the Analytical Branch of New York. They had parallel desks which was a good spot for him to look at her and wait for her usual smile when their eyes meet but that day she didn't look at him at all.

They met at lunch along with their other colleagues, she smiled and acted like her normal self, but now that they were left alone again, she closed herself off.

"alright Jodie, what's wrong?" Shu asked.

"nothing is wrong, why do you keep asking me that?"

" You've been acting strange"

"no I haven't!" she said before placing the last piece of food into her mouth then she stood up "I have a lot of work to do, see you later" she left, letting out a small smile, more like a forced one.

Shu was left alone on the table. He continued eating slowly thinking about the enigma his girlfriend is, why is she so complicated? He was part of the Analytical Branch and was able to analyze any situation and reach its root cause and its potential result but he failed to understand Jodie.

A lady approached Shu and took a seat next to him. His green eyes looked at her, it was Emma cruise aka the gossip of the office, she was the source of all the rumors around and whether what she tells is true or not varies from time to time.

"Hey! Akai" she said.

"Hey"

Actually, Jodie and Shuichi never liked Emma for what she spreads in the office. Shu never spoke to her before which is why he found it strange for her to come and talk to him now, but with the girlfriend he has, he no longer considers anything as weird anymore.

"How are things going?"

"like usual, you?"

"yeah me too, nothing special" Emma smiled before she started unpacking her lunch "so I was wondering if you like anyone in the office"

"why!" Shu asked with raised brows.

"I know someone who is totally crushing on you, and just so you know, while you are being clueless, that person is telling everyone that you two are dating. Lucky for you no one believed her… or him, I mean how could someone be so bad lying about someone else's life"

Shuichi's brows failed to get back from their trip upwards as he heard what Emma said, he suddenly stood up.

"I don't know Emma, you can ask that to yourself" he snapped before he rushed back to the office leaving her behind with a deep frown on her face. It was the first time she approached him and probably the last time.

So that's what it's about.

Jodie was always famous among their colleagues for having feelings for Shuichi and calling him by Shu, she couldn't hide her passion, unlike Shu. He wasn't a loud guy and thus he never showed interest in her when his colleagues are around.

It was stuck in the heads of everyone that her relationship is one-sided. Not that Shu meant it to be this way, it's just that he is the type to be more open when alone. Six months had passed and their relationship was kept unheard of. It wasn't a secret, but rather low-profile.

Jodie never noticed that until one week ago when Emma stated in front of all the girls how Shuichi is grumpy. She never interacted with him before it was just a deduction from the way he acted. Sure he usually doesn't know how to smile but he was very kindhearted, Jodie knew that and was trying to prove her point to the girls and defend her boyfriend.

"how do you even know this about him?" Chelsea asked.

"what do you mean how? He is my boyfriend"

"Oh please," Emma said after letting out a long laugh "are you saying you and him are dating? Jodie sweetie, it's okay we believe he is not grumpy, you don't have to go this far to prove your point"

She brushed it off at first, but when she went home and thought it through, she realized that she is indeed the one to always care more about Shu when in public. She was mad at him for letting her be in this position with her colleagues but she couldn't tell him that, after all, it's been six months and she never complained, it's too late now.

After leaving him at lunch Jodie headed back to her cabin, she was busy typing on her computer when Shu showed up from behind her with one goal in mind... showing Jodie some love, and in front of everyone.

"my honey bear" he chirped.

Jodie spun her chair to face him, her dark blond brows where taking a trip upward to her forehead in disbelieve to what she's just heard.

"c'mon we still have five minutes, I want to spend them with you" he said reaching for her hand dragging her to a standing position.

"Shu what happened to you" Jodie whispered as he started walking her through the office, his hand tight on hers.

" I just, I miss you already" he said with a wide smile on his face, God he looked cute.

"Shu, what did you have for lunch, did you…" she continued whispering until they reached the door, this was not a normal behavior of her boyfriend, maybe he is under the effect of some drug or ate something septic for lunch.

Once out, Shuichi interrupted her with a passionate kiss as curious eyes followed them through the transparent glass.

"I love you" he said right after. Loud Awws filled the office.

"What is wrong with you?" Jodie mumbled with the startled look on her face still.

"Oh, how romantic of you to say!"

"I love you too silly, it's just that…"

Shu leaned and kissed her again interrupting what she was about to say, he wouldn't have done this in a million years, but now that the door to it is open, it won't be easy to close.

* * *

hope you liked it and don't forget to tell me whatcha think!


	4. The going away dinner

**Timeline: back when Shu and Jodie used to date.**

* * *

The whole apartment was lit by candles. Music filled the air as they ascended together in a magical flight to the heavens. Shuichi with his hands on her hips, and Jodie with her arms hanging loosely around his neck.

His green eyes were so different in moments like these, softer than usual. The professional man is gone and instead it is the eyes of one who loves deeply.

Her blue eyes looked him back, always wanting more. He wasn't the best at expressing his love, but his eyes never failed to. That's all they ever needed to connect, just eyes, no words.

Jodie finally laid her head on his chest listening to his heartbeat, Shu then wrapped his hands around her waist as they continued slow dancing.

It was all she ever wanted from life, it was a perfect moment. Except that this might be the last time they ever get to do this… after all, this was a going away dinner.

Tomorrow, Jodie starling will be flying to Japan under the name of Jodie Saintemillion, where she will work as an English teacher. And on a separate flight, Shu will be flying under the name of Dai Moroboshi, where he will try to get Akemi Myano to date him in an attempt to meet Shiho Miyano and use her influence to get into the Black Organization.

Jodie's been waiting for this mission for a long time, it was the main reason she joined the FBI in the first place. However, the fact that she will no longer be able to see Shu as much as she used to, and the fact that he's going to be dating someone else, and most of all the risk he is taking that's going to put his life in danger every day for god knows how long ruined her excitement.

"You know, you don't have to do this Shu" she mumbled with her head on his chest still.

"It has to be done Jodie, for your parents, and for all the people that they hurt"

"Someone else can do it, why does it have to be you?"

"Because they chose me "

"I'm just scared that… what if something happens to you? What if they find out you're an FBI agent?"

"They won't"

"how do you know that?"

"because there's nothing to prove it. Unless you're planning to rat me out"

"it's just that I can't afford to lose you"

Shuichi's left hand traveled up to cup the back of her head, running his fingers through her golden hair "me too" he softly said.

Their legs kept moving to the music obliviously as they stayed silent for a while, both minds thinking about the upcoming.

Jodie finally pulled her head away from his chest to look him in the eyes, taking in every moment for her memory. She will be needing it to survive the next few months.

"James told me that we can't meet" she finally let out what's been bothering her the most, James told her that earlier and the old man had a point, meeting Shu in Japan will be a big risk for his safety as he infiltrates the organization.

"of course we're gonna meet"

"what if they follow you or something?"

"You worry a lot, you used not to be like this"

"yeah… But, what if?"

"I will make sure they won't, besides, we're going to be meeting somewhere discrete"

Jodie let out a long sigh, it's just a matter of hours and life as she knew it will change. Shu was a big part of her life, and within the next hours, he will turn into a number on a phone that she can only text.

"there's a big chance none of what we planned will happen" he gently added hoping to reassure the girl between his arms "she might not like me and so we won't date and I won't be able to meet her sister or infiltrate the organization"

"of course she's gonna like you, Shu" Jodie blurted out. For her, her boyfriend had everything that any girl needs. It would be an easy task for any girl to fall for him.

"Yeah?" he said with a smirking face.

"yes"

"well, it doesn't matter because I know I only like you"

She smiled, he smiled back. She wished she could freeze time at this moment, but time went on as everything headed towards the change.

* * *

Hi! please leave me a review because I seriously have no idea whether you people are reading this or not!


	5. The break up

The first few weeks were dedicated to observing and getting to know her from a distance, but as the third week approached, it was the time for some action.

From what Shuichi observed, Akemi never visit places like bars where she can meet new people, so approaching her won't be an easy task, and his plan to get to that wasn't an easy decision.

A car appeared from the end of the street. Shu walked down the road slowly as he glanced at it from the corner of his eye. With every glance he took, the car seemed to approach more, but for him, it felt like it was happening in slow motion.

His green eyes peeked one last glance to notice the car was close enough, that's when he turned to the right. This was it… his heart started pounding as adrenaline pumped through his vessels and within a second, he found himself lifted into the air before collapsing onto the concrete, shards of glass ripping through his skull and torso. Breath was knocked from him as he felt a pain searing through his body.

In the hospital, her blue eyes looked at him with concern and it was enough for him to realize she was different from the other members of the organization, their eyes were lifeless, hers where reflecting kindness.

Days have passed and a friendship was built that soon led to a first kiss. That day, Shuichi didn't text Jodie, he felt horrible not for Jodie whom he was certain he loved but for Akemi who was so sweet and truthful to him while he was taking advantage of her.

Days proceeded and turned into two months where his texts to Jodie lessened as the presence of Akemi filled his time.

"Oh, before I forget, here's your book" Akemi said handing him the book she pulled out from her purse.

"You finished it already!"

"Yes, it was very interesting I spend three hours straight reading it"

"I know, the same thing happened to me when I first started reading it"

Akemi smiled before she printed a light kiss on his lips, she then turned to open the door to the passenger seat where she was sitting.

"Don't forget about tomorrow"

"There really is no need for this, I'm too old for…"

"Shh, no one is too old for celebrating birthdays, see you tomorrow" She finally said before leaving Shu in the car alone.

His green eyes followed her for a while before looking down at the book she handed him, he reached for the glove compartment but as he was about to place it inside, he noticed something purple stuck out of it, he flipped it to see and there was a sticky note that says 'Hey, you're great person'.

Shuichi smiled as he looked at it for a minute, it was then that he realized he was starting to develop some feelings towards her but he soon brushed the thought away as he was certain he loved Jodie, at least until tomorrow came.

It was a rainy day ruining their plan to have a picnic. Instead, Akemi called him and invited him to come over to her house.

"Ta-da" she said pointing at a cake as Shu followed her inside the kitchen "I baked it myself"

"I didn't know you can do this, it smells great!"

"I hope it tastes like it smells" she smiled as she sat on one of the chairs "I prepared sandwiches for the picnic so I'm not sure what to do for lunch, any suggestions for what I should cook?"

"We'll just eat the sandwiches"

"Since we're home I should prepare an appropriate thing to eat, it's your birthday you know"

"who said we are home!"

Akemi looked at Shu with wondering eyes as he walked to the picnic basket, he grabbed it before he headed back to the living room where he placed the blanket on the floor next to the Sliding door and started unpacking the food in the basket. Akemi, on the other hand, went back to the kitchen to bring the cake, she then sat down next to him as they looked at the rain through the glass.

Time went so fast and darkness enveloped the sky as the sun went down the horizon. What Shu was avoiding for the past months was no longer avoidable, he didn't want to seem suspicious and he finally found himself dragged into it, and it changed everything.

Right after, Akemi fell asleep next to him stealing some of the warmth from his shirtless body.

Shuichi failed to sleep. He looked at her sleeping peacefully with her head on his upper arm, he reached with his free arm to her hair moving it away from her face. She looked beautiful.

His green eyes closed tightly, he turned his head to face the ceiling as Jodie crossed his mind. He thought about what just happened, that in order for his mission to be successful and for Akemi to not suspect him, he's going to have to do this again.

He was so dragged into the mission that he never took the time to think of it this way, but now that this happened, it hit him… What does Jodie think about all of this? And when she allowed him to date her, was she aware of the results?

The fact that she knew her boyfriend was dating another woman means she knew what exactly they would do on a boring evening, means that she knew she isn't the only one for him, that he's never going to be able to be by her side or to spend as much time with her he spends with Akemi.

He couldn't accept this to Jodie, he loved her… No, he loves her right now, right now as he lay next to another woman to whom he made love an hour ago. It was fine until he started getting little signs of attraction towards that woman and until this night happened, but now he wouldn't accept this for the other woman that he truly loved.

Shuichi found himself wondering how he could like Akemi as he loved Jodie! He felt guilty for it, he felt like he was cheating on her from behind her back.

After long hours of thinking, he chose the hardest decision he could've taken in being honest with himself and with Jodie. As an agent, he had to do this job without even being sure he would come back alive. He chose to break up with Jodie to prevent her all the pain he is causing her now, and might cause her in the future, because he deeply cared for her and he truly loved her.

* * *

It's been three weeks since they last met, his texts weren't enough to feed Jodie's urge to see him and his waist-length hair she adored, she never complained about it and it finally paid off with the last text she received from him asking her to meet him.

She was driving her car down the empty road as sun followed their path moving down towards the horizon in a beautiful sunset.

"you two started dating!" Jodie casually asked looking at Shu from the corner of her eye. Shuichi never discussed the progress of his mission with her but now, It was the time to tell her.

She trusted him unconditionally which is why she allowed him to date someone else for the mission, he's always been a one woman man and he's always been in love with her. Also, Shu wasn't the type to easily get close to people so whatever will happen with Akemi will only be a part of an act of Dai Moroboshi and will not affect her Shu.

"yeah, that's why we have to break this off" Shuichi said looking forward at the road unable to look her in the eye.

"Hold on a second Shu" she smiled nervously in denial to what shes just heard, except that Shu was deadly serious "you're only going out with her because of the investigation right? I don't see the need for us to separate"

"its an organization I must crush even if it requires sacrificing you" he said, green eyes on the road still. He loved her so much but this was for her best, if she were to wait for him then he might never come back, he will be gone for an indefinite period of time and might wind up dead. Jodie deserved better, better than someone who spends his nights with another woman "To be able to love two women at the same time…it's not that handy a personality" he added as he felt his muscles ache.

Shu finally gathered enough courage to look at her, she had both her hands wrapped tight on the wheel with her blue eyes wide open. It pained him, he felt a sudden urge to apologize, hug her and ask her to forget what he said but it was too late for this. He had to be strong and act coldly, she's better off hating him, then she can get the possibility to date someone new and fall in love with another man instead of waiting for him, he will be happy if she is happy even if it hurts him now.

A long silence enveloped the car as Jodie kept driving unconsciously trying to understand the words he said but she couldn't help but fail. He must love her, he has for so many years, How can he be so cold? how come he stopped loving her?

"do you love her?" she finally asked with her eyes on the road

"I don't think we should..."

"just answer me, Shu"

"I like her" he sighed after a while. 'but I love you' he was dying to tell her this but he had to be strong.

jodie finally stopped the car next to his Chevrolet pressing the brakes a little more than she should have, Shuichi turned to face her, he opened his mouth to say something but then he changed his mind and just left.

she retrieved driving and within three minutes she stopped on the side road, the tears she had been trying to fight in his presence were no longer holdable. The sobs punched through, ripping through her muscles and guts. She pressed her forehead against the wheel and began to let her heart yank in and out of her chest.

Shuichi stood with his back against his Chevrolet, he looked at the sunset as he lit up another cigarette, it was his fifth since he left Jodie's car. He inhaled deeply as the smoke sept deep into his cells but he failed to reach the comfort it used to give him, it sucks, it hurts, but it was for her best, he reminded himself before getting into his car.

* * *

four meetings done, six to go...

Until next time, luv u.


	6. Pillow talk

**Timeline: back when Shu and Jodie used to date.**

The blaring of the phone alarm jarred her out of her peaceful sleep, Jodie jolted up swiping the red button and sending the annoying voice to an end. She harshly rubbed at her eyes before she turned to face the other side of the bed where her boyfriend laid with his green eyes open.

"Good morning, looks like it woke you up!" Jodie gently said. It was Shu's day off while she had to go to work.

"Morning, it sounded like a World War II air-raid siren, no-one can ignore that"

"I'm sorry," she said with a sympathetic smile, Jodie printed a kiss on his cheek. She's always been a heavy sleeper so she had to be creative when it came to her alarm. Her head turned to the other side aiming to get out of bed when she felt Shu's warm hand on her wrist.

"I thought you always sleep for another five minutes after you turn off the alarm"

"Yeah, but I'm feeling energetic today, plus I reeeally don't want to be late, there's this big…"

"c'mon, it's just five minutes"

Jodie laid down resting her head on Shu's upper arm as he wrapped her waist with his other arm. Looking back at her, Shu blinked once, twice "do you hear that, it's raining outside" he softly said.

"yeah"

"It must be blistering cold out there"

Jodie placed a hand on her mouth as she yawned "yeah"

"you want to get back to sleep don't you?"

"Shu, where are you going with this?"

"I was just wondering why wouldn't you call in sick for today?" he asked. Their holidays as FBI agents weren't like the other employees and unfortunately for them, their days off hadn't synchronized in over a month already.

"I can't sweetie, I really have to go, there's this meeting I have to attend"

"But it's raining!"

"As if that would've stopped you from going to work," She said, Shuichi thought for a moment as Jodie kissed him again "the five minutes are over, I should get ready"

"Hold on" he suddenly said, she looked at him over her shoulder as she sat on the edge of the bed "why wouldn't you stay here in bed, and I'll go make you some pancakes, banana pancakes, they're your favorite"

"Now that's an interesting offer" she smiled "if only you knew how to cook"

"I know how to make pancakes"

"I don't think so"

"I really do, in fact, I make them very delicious"

"I'd love to taste them but I have to go Shu"

"what about some other five minutes?"

"Then I'm gonna be late" she sighed "crap, I so want to stay"

"Then just stay"

"I can't"

"For five minutes, I'm sure that wouldn't be a problem," Shu said. Jodie sighed again as she laid next to him again "you sure you're gonna go! I won't offer to make you pancakes ever again, you have no idea what you're missing Starling"

"I'm sure you'll make me some someday Akai"

"No I won't"

"Yes you will"

They both looked at each other, faces so close, Jodie looked down at her phone after a while "oh my god, its been seven minutes, how did time pass so fast.

"Another five minutes?" he asked helplessly.

"No Shu, you're like a wormhole of time"

Jodie walked out of the room as Shu covered his head with the white sheet, he closed his eyes hoping for sleep to visit him again.

Jodie put on her coat, she opened the door to her New York apartment as a sudden wave of cold air reached her, she looked back at the bedroom door, Shu must be laying behind it with all the warmth she ever needs, but then she slightly shook her head before she headed out, Jodie put up her umbrella as she walked on the sidewalk slowly, mind on the boyfriend she had left and the pancakes she had missed.

All her motivation to go to work was drained and all that's left now was an obligation. After all, going to work was incomparable to Shu's offer, she walked down the road as heavy drops of water kept coming down from the sky, that's when a speeding car passed by on the wet road spraying all of Jodie's coat, she hissed some curses as she walked back to her apartment, she will call in sick once there… well, who is she kidding, she could've gone to work but she was happy she got sprayed, she was just looking for any stupid reason to get back home.

Jodie opened the door to her apartment again, she took off her coat and rushed to the bedroom throwing herself on the bed and cuddling into Shu's warm chest, he was her safety.

"You came back!" he said with a sleepy tone, eyes barely open

"Yes, now go make me the pancakes"

"Nah" he yawned "I want to sleep now"

"Shu!... please?"

"Okay!"

Jodie placed her head on his chest, listening to his heartbeat "I'm not supposed to be missing this meeting, maybe I…"

"Shh," he softly said, hand reaching for her hair playing with it "don't think about work, let's just pretend like it's the weekend"

Jodie raised her head to look at her handsome boyfriend, the familiar smell of his aftershave combined with cigarettes was still stuck in him, she hated the smell of cigarettes but she adored that weird combination on him "I wish we can pretend that every day" she mumbled.

Shuichi reached to kiss her before he headed to the kitchen to make her the pancakes which turned out to be surprisingly delicious as he described. They spent the day as a perfect weekend day leaving them both question their days off.

* * *

This was inspired by a song that I love, it's called banana pancakes… reviews are as always much appreciated.


	7. Olive who?

**Timeline: back when Shu and Jodie used to date.**

"I don't know!" Shu said in a dry tone sounding almost like yelling. The blonde woman looked at him for a second before she walked away running for her life from the intense glance he sent her.

He stood in the corner of the ballroom with a scowl on his face, arms crossed over his skinny tie and black suit that failed to hide his muscles. He took a look around examining the faces of all the people inside until his eyes fixed on Jodie who was standing next to him.

"Geez, you could've been nicer, she was just asking for the bathroom"

"I don't know where it is"

"Still, you could've told her that nicely, like with a smile"

"I'm not in the mood to smile Jodie"

"You're never in the mood to smile" she mumbled as she turned her head to the other direction examining the people around before she looked at him again "you know, you don't smile much Shu"

"This was supposed to be my day off and now I'm here looking for a suspect in a party, what's to smile about?" he said. Basically, he just sounded pissed off at the world and everything in it.

"Hey, don't use that tone on me Akai"

"Okay, sorry" he muttered.

"At least we get to have some free drinks" Jodie chirped in an attempt to brighten his mood a little.

"you're right, stay here I'm going to bring us some more"

She stood by the table alone as her blue eyes kept looking around in search when one of her undercovered colleagues approached her.

"How's work going Jodie?"

"Good, see that women with the red dress, she seems to be suspicious so I'm keeping an eye on her"

"Great, then would you tell Akai to keep an eye on the man at one o'clock, me and Brad are going after someone else we think he might be involved"

"He's right over there, go tell him " Jodie pointed at Shu and it just synchronized with him turning to face them, his scowled face looked even scarier from a faraway distance as he walked back to her holding two glasses of liquor.

"N-no… I… he's coming over here so you tell him, we need to hurry" the agent rushed to the door before Shu reached Jodie handing her a glass of champagne.

"Stop that Shu, you're scaring off people" she said after taking a sip.

"Stop what?"

"The scowl on your face, even the agents are scared of you now"

"C'mon, I'm not that scary" he said before he swallowed the whiskey in his glass in one sip.

"Yeah right" she chuckled "go watch that man with the blue tie, they say he might be our guy"

Shuichi placed the empty glass on the round table in front of Jodie before he started walking to where the man was standing.

"Hey Shu," Jodie said as he looked at her over his shoulder "just try to smile"

"Not until it comes naturally" he softly said before he walked away.

"Then it's never gonna come" Jodie muttered to herself as her blue eyes followed him "unless…" she continued with her red painted lips twisting into a smile.

Eyes narrowed with determination, She walked to him after a while and showed up suddenly from behind his back

"Knock, knock!" she chirped.

"Jodie, what are you doing here! You're supposed to be watchin…" Shu said as he turned to face her before she interrupted him.

"Do you have to kill the mood all the time? just answer me"

"Who's there?" he replied after a sigh.

"Olive"

"Olive who?"

"Olive you!"

"Aw, love you too," Shu said as he slightly tilted his head to the side before turning his head to look at the man he was watching again.

Well, it was enough to wipe off the scowl from his face, but he didn't smile. Jodie was always the competitive type, she suddenly started taking the whole thing way more seriously forgetting all about the suspects as she stood there with one goal in mind… Making her boyfriend smile.

* * *

Fifteen minutes have passed where all Jodie's attempts to make him smile failed. Jodie placed her fingers on Shu's face forcing a smile to his lips "God, something is definitely wrong with you" she said.

Shu pulled his head backward and away from her fingers "It's not like you've never seen me smile before"

"I've never seen you smile before"

"Don't be ridiculous, you've seen me smile"

She did see him smile several times and it was heartwarming "No I didn't" she replied.

"You did!"

Jodie shook her head, she opened her mouth to respond when her phone rung, it was the agent from earlier.

"Looks like we're free to go," she said once she hung up "the man they followed earlier turned out to be our guy, so our mission here is done"

"Finally," Shuichi said loosing his tie.

"Hold on Shu, I want to dance"

Within seconds, they were in the middle of the ballroom. Now Shu wasn't the biggest fan of dancing but he knew Jodie wouldn't let him go unless he dances with her. He wrapped her in his arms as her black dress swayed with every movement they made.

"Once home we should talk this through," she said.

"Why?"

"Well, I don't like the idea of having a heartless boyfriend"

"Oh" was all that Shu said, his green eyes moved from Jodie's down to the ground as she felt his hands on her hips loosen.

'what the heck was I thinking? I'm so stupid! why did I say that? he is the most kindhearted person I know so why would I call him that?' Jodie thought as she started to panic, what she said hurt him and she didn't even mean it to be this way.

"Shu, I was just joking"

"okay!" he mumbled with his eyes still on the ground.

"No, really I didn't mean that you're…"

"I know" he raised his eyes to look at her as his lips twisted into a weak smile, she's been waiting to see this for the whole day and now that she saw it, it was sadder than his scowl "I should get going"

Jodie watched him leave as regret took over her, she hurt his feelings and the worst part is that it was over something so stupid, if anything, her Shu was the opposite of heartless and she knew that too well.

"Let's go" his voice suddenly reached her ear after a while "you came in my car so let me drop you off at your apartment"

Jodie walked with him to the elevator, and once in…

"Shu, I'm sure you know I didn't mean what I said earlier, I was just being stupid"

"Okay"

"Ugh, please don't do that thing when you pretend everything is fine, just tell me that you're angry"

"I'm fine"

"No, you're not"

"I am"

"No"

"Do I have to be angry?"

"Well yes… I guess"

"I'm not" he shook his head as the elevator door opened exposing the parking lot of the hotel.

"Then prove it, smile" Jodie said as her blue eyes fixed on him, Shu just proceeded walking to his Chevrolet.

"Not until it comes naturally"

"Whatever, I'm sure you get the meaning, I mean I didn't mean you're heartless otherwise why would I be dating you for like a year now and why would I be in love with you…" Jodie went on until they reached the car, Shu opened the door and indented to go in when she stopped him "hold on… are you sure you're not mad at me?"

"Now that I think of it, I might be" he replied.

"You can't stay mad at your honey bear can't you!"

"I'm heartless so you can expect anything from me" he snapped as he got into the car wearing the seat belt, Jodie followed him doing the same.

"C'mon Shuuuuu don't make a big deal out of it, I wouldn't call my honeybunch heartless and actually mean it"

"Okay," he calmly said as he started the engine looking forward at the road.

"Sugarplum!"

"Mmm" he replied with his eyes on the road.

"Pumpy-umpy-umpkin!"

"Mmm"

"Sweetie pie!"

"Are you actually using the lyrics from the cuppy cake song?" Shu finally chuckled as he looked at her from the corner of his eyes, a chuckle that came straight out from his heart 'naturally'

Jodie looked him back with a smile, she won! He smiled and it was genuine.

"You're my cuppycake, gumdrop, Snoogums, boogums, you're, The apple of my eye" she continued singing with melody until Shu joined her in singing the next part "And I love you so, And I want you to know, That I'll always be right here, And I love to sing, Sweet songs to you, Because you are so dear..."

He drove his Chevy with a smile that Jodie couldn't help but keep staring at… maybe it was better that he doesn't smile much, it made every smile of his more meaningful and capable of cheering her heart and making her feel like the happiest woman alive.

* * *

Wow, I can't believe that seven chapters are done already:D really hope you liked them.

I hope this chapter wasn't OOC.


	8. Fancy places

**Timeline: Shuichi's dating Akemi.**

Jodie's blue eyes glimmered as they explored the place around her. They drifted from the large windows to the dark walnut tables with flowers on each one of them. A delicate live piano music reached her ears as she followed the restaurant Receptionist to a table. Not so long after, a waiter appeared asking if she wanted to start with something to drink "some Champaign would be lovely" She answered.

Jodie took in a deep breath once he left. There she was sitting to the table she booked one week in advance right after James left to the US for some FBI meeting, today is her birthday and with James away she had no one to celebrate it with, it made her sad at first as Shu crossed her mind, but then she couldn't possibly ask him to come celebrate her birthday with her, it's been two months since he broke up with her during which none of them tried to contact the other, he had his own life now, with a new girl in it, Jodie thought as she gazed at the menu in her hands.

James was always like a father to her and when he left, it made her realize how lonely she was. Eventually, she called and asked for the reservation in an attempt to treat herself for being patient through everything she has been through, to add a touch of celebration and happiness into her gloomy life. Jodie went inside the restaurant lightly leaving all her heavy thoughts outside, today was her day and only her day.

She finally decided what to order and lifted her head up to take a look around, on the table next to her sat a couple, a man with black hair whose face she couldn't distinguish as he had his head turned to the other direction where the lady sat, Jodie couldn't see the lady's face either as his head hid it, she couldn't see their faces but it wasn't hard to realize that they were passionately exchanging kisses. It reminded her of Shu, but it didn't pain her, almost everything reminded her of him anyway to the point that the thought of him would bring her numbness instead of pain, she thought it's because she started getting over him at first, only to realize that it was just the stage of being helplessly, deeply in love with someone who's no longer around.

She didn't mean to intrude but her eyes kept on drifting back to the same couple, the man had a body shape similar to Shu's and Jodie was missing him so much, two months apart was the longest they've never talked and the longest they've spent without seeing each other.

They stopped kissing and Jodie was finally able to see the lady's face as she sat parallel to her, and half of the man's face who sat by the Corner of the table. He had his black hair slicked backward in a way that suited his clothes and the restaurant in general. Once she saw him resting his back against the chair, it was confirmed furthermore that he had the same shape of Shu, he even had the distinguished cheekbones of Shu, in fact… he was Shu.

Jodie's eyes grew wider to the realization that she was sitting less than two meters away from Shuichi and his new girlfriend. So that's how she looks like, the lady who stole her Shu from her! She thought as she tilted her head downwards in search of her purse.

"This was imported to our restaurant from France" the waiter showed up again holding a bottle of Champaign.

Jodie picked up her purse "I'm sorry but I have an emergency, I'm gonna have to leave now" she said almost sounding like whispering "here's for the Champaign and, and everything…" she stood up before she placed some bills on the table, way more than she had to.

"Aren't you going to drink any?" he asked.

"Shh! N-no I have to go" Jodie whispered when Akemi looked at her, and it didn't take long after for the green eyes with the charming bags underneath them to send her one of their usual intense, mysterious gazes.

"Oh crap" Jodie muttered to herself as she looked Akai back. He looked so handsome all dressed up and without his knit cap, she wished time could freeze so that she could keep on staring at his face, but in reality that would risk his mission along with putting her in a weaker position in their break up war. Three seconds where enough to feed a little portion of her miss, she took her eyes off of him before she turned around and left leaving the waiter with a confused look on his face.

"Do you know her?" Akemi asked with her face turning serious all of the sudden.

"No, why?"

"I don't know, I felt like there was something in her eyes…" Shu just looked at Akemi in silence waiting for her to say more "Never mind I'm just, imagining" she smiled.

* * *

Jodie threw her body on the couch, she felt exhausted and it was more of a psychological than a physical exhaustion.

Why does he keep on hunting her every second of every day? Why does she keep on thinking about him? He had clearly moved on and found a new love as she celebrated her birthday alone, God even her birthday turned into a reason to feel sad, why did he have to be in there?

Jodie felt somehow pathetic as her blue eyes stared at the ceiling, she was thinking and didn't notice time passing by until her door was knocked on finally bringing her back to reality. She didn't feel like answering it, she felt awful and the high expectations she had since it was her birthday only contributed to making her feel worst.

After some more knocks, she pushed herself up and headed to open the door "what are you doing here?" she dryly said examining the man at her door.

"Hello to you too, Jodie" Shuichi calmly said.

"What if one of them is following you? What if she's following you?"

"No one is following me," Shu said as Jodie stuck her head out looking around, once she made sure no one was around, she moved back inside "Umm, can I come in?" he asked, it's not a question he'd usually ask but Jodie was blocking the entrance.

Her answer came in the form of a sigh followed by her heading inside back to the couch, Shu followed her and sat next to her.

"what brought you here Shuichi?" she asked dryly again, avoiding their eyes to meet.

"I came to check on you"

"Oh please, you haven't contacted me in like two months so don't say you're here to check on me"

"I wanted to come but I was busy"

"Yeah I see, you were too busy swallowing that woman"

"It's not like that, the organization finally assigned me my first mission"

"Really!" Jodie's head turned towards him fast with all her muscles changing shape "that's great!"

"Yeah I guess, but it's just a little mission so it's going to take a long time to climb up and get close to vermouth" Shu replied.

"That's what we've been expecting"

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine" Jodie replied looking away from him.

"In case you're still wondering why I'm here, I came to wish you happy birthday"

"You remember!" she suddenly looked him back and it was only then that she realized how close they were sitting.

"Of course I do," Shu said as their eyes met again "I'm sorry I couldn't bring you anything, but I owe you a fancy dinner, maybe we can go someday"

"Yeah, you do" Jodie replied, their faces were so close as she gazed back at him, she missed him so much through the past months that she was enjoying every second of staring at him. It seemed like he had gained a couple of pounds, but it all went into his muscles. He looked good as always but he seemed to be healthier and Jodie wasn't sure whether it's because she was missing him or because of his slicked back hair that she found him more handsome than usual.

The familiar smell of his aftershave mixed with cigarettes and some whiskey reached her nose, she adored that smell, she adored the way he looked and how he looked her back.

He was so close and Jodie couldn't hold it any longer, within a second she drew closer and kissed him.

Shuichi froze with his eyes wide open, he was shocked at first but then with the glass of whiskey he had before coming to her place, and a pinch of instinct and hormones, he found himself kissing her back.

He missed Jodie, in fact he loved her, but he was sure he loved Akemi so his feelings towards Jodie were something else, something different he just couldn't explain, she was less than a lover but more than a friend.

Jodie wrapped her arms around his neck and it was then that Shu's green eyes opened, no matter how good this felt it was wrong. It was so hard but he somehow forced himself to grab her shoulders and push her away.

They both gasped for air looking at each other without breaking eye contact.

"This is wrong" he breathed.

"But..."

"This wasn't supposed to happen Jodie" he shook his head.

Jodie looked confused and somehow embarrassed, she knew that she wasn't being fair to him, she knew she was going to regret it, and that he'll be avoiding her in the future. But then she thought it was completely worth it.

Shuichi got to his feet suddenly "I have to go now"

Jodie stood up but didn't move from her place next to the couch, she followed Shuichi with her eyes as he rushed to the door and opened it, he then turned his head sending her one last glance "I'm sorry" he muttered before closing the door behind him.

Jodie thought of what he said much through the three months that followed -during which she hadn't seen him nor heard of him except from the reports he'd send to James about his mission development. She couldn't understand what he meant by sorry, after all, she was expecting him to be angry with her for kissing him and the fact that he hadn't contacted her confirmed this theory.

Actually, Shuichi apologized for kissing her back, he felt like he was the one to be blamed for the kiss, he was the one with the girlfriend and the kiss wasn't fair neither to Akemi nor to Jodie.

Eventually, the three months have passed and they retrieved talking to each other, they even got to meet in some discreet location and it was mainly professional, time was enough for Jodie to learn to hold back her feelings.

* * *

Hey, I'm sorry it took me so long to update but I'm struggling with exams, wish me luck :p and don't forget to leave me a review.


	9. Moving on

**Current timeline.**

"Who are you?" Shuichi's voice came harsh and dry as he looked at the man sitting at the table. He looked slim, muscular, with an almost perfectly symmetrical face. His tanned skin only helped to make his eyes pop up flecking with every shade of blue like the ocean.

"Hey! Who do you think you are to…" the man started before the lady sitting next to him interrupted.

"Brad, its okay he is my friend," Jodie said softly before looking at Shuichi, she went on a bit louder "or so he was"

"who is he, Jodie?"

"what do you care who he is? Just leave will ya"

Shuichi stood in his place next to the table, he looked back at Brad examining him with a glare that'd send a shiver down the spine.

"Shu!" Jodie hissed.

"yes" he replied without taking his eyes off of brad who sat calmly looking him back fearlessly.

"what do you think yourself doing?"

"can I talk to you for a moment? Alone?" he finally looked her back.

Jodie glanced at Brad to see his expressions, she thought for a while before excusing herself to go talk to Shuichi alone. They walked together towards the restaurant door without saying a word, but once out, Jodie started.

"Shu you have to leave now!"

"who is he?"

"can't you see! I'm on a date"

"oh" his dark brows went up as he went on "you shouldn't just date anyone, he might be sent by them to lure you out"

"he's not just anyone and I'm not stupid, now leave"

"I came here to eat, I already ordered" Nah, actually he didn't order.

"I don't care just take what you ordered home, you're ruining my date, Shu"

"Also I have to make sure he's a good guy so you..."

"I'm not waiting for your approval, I can date whoever I want"

"you're in a black mood today, I don't think this is going to impress him"

"Oh, thanks for the note!" Jodie said in the most sarcastic way "FYI I was fine until you showed up. What brought you here in the first place? This restaurant is a thirty minutes ride… were you stalking me?"

"why would I stalk you?" Shu muttered before he cleared his throat "Their Ramen is famous, I always come here from time to time. Customer service is always super friendly and always make ..."

"Okay, okay. I have to go back and you should leave"

Jodie turned to face the door, she took two steps towards it before looking at Shu over her shoulder, she found that he took a step towards it too.

"Shu!" she raged with her eyes narrowed.

"the food I ordered…" he started as Jodie kept her gaze on him with her lips tightening "Nevermind, I'll just leave" he sighed before turning on his heels and leaving.

* * *

Brad was a model, he was 27 years old and just signed a work contract with a Japanese company, he moved to Japan three weeks ago without knowing anything about their language which made it hard for him to gain friends. Luckily he met Jodie and he seemed to be thrilled to speak to a Native American way more than he had to, it was as if he found a human in a planet filled with aliens or so he liked to phrase it to Jodie who didn't mind his company, well he was a lot of fun.

They kept contact as she promised to show him around the city and on the third time they met he asked her out.

For Jodie, it was hard to process. She's been faithful to Shuichi for six years, four of which they weren't a couple but she just chose to stay single and wait for him. He was seeping deep in every cell in her, in every moment she lives, in every place she visits. Eventually, she came to the conclusion that she should move on or at least try to.

Brad happened to have everything she needed to make up for her deprivation, good looks… check, nice personality… check, aftershave and cigarettes smell… double check.

Jodie headed back to her seat. She observed him as he talked, his hair swayed down perfectly almost reaching his waist, he looked handsome and though skinny, his arms were filled with muscles just like Shu. He was calm most of the time but if triggered he wouldn't mind getting into a fight, she wondered who would've won if she'd let them fought before… Shu, he'd definitely be the one to win. Jodie blinked hoping that the thoughts of Shuichi would leave her mind, without realizing how similar the man who sat across from her to Shu's personality, scent and hair (before)…

* * *

Jodie entered the Kudos residence. She followed Shuichi to the living room where was Camel sitting. Moving her eyes around, she noticed that the ashtray was filled with tens of cigarettes one of which still leaking the stinky smoke, Camel wasn't a smoker so it had to be… "Shu, did you smoke all of this today?" she asked.

"If you weren't to be late I wouldn't have"

"I told you I was with Brad, you could've informed me yesterday about the meeting you can't just call me one hour ahead"

"Brad! Is he the one you told me about Jodie san? Your new boyfriend" Camel asked.

"yeah" Jodie smiled as she took a seat on one of the couches, she moved her gaze from Camel to meet Shuichi who was scowling with his arms crossed.

"I wouldn't call him a BOYfriend" Akai said putting emphasis on boy "he was carrying a purse"

"it's called a man bag" Jodie cleared.

"yeah, potato potato"

"Hey, are you jealous?" she suddenly asked.

Shuichi's face took a nice shade of red, a thing that rarely happened to him. He straightened up in his seat before he murmured "why would I be jealous?"

"From his taste in fashion, I mean he is a model so you don't have to compare your style with his"

"My style is fine" he replied, relieved that what she meant by jealousy wasn't what he thought.

"Anyways, why are we gathering? I promised Brad to have dinner with him so let's make this quick"

"you should call him and cancel your plans"

"why? There's still three hours until dinner, I'm sure whatever we're going to do won't take that long. What are we doing anyways?"

"we're writing a report to the FBI main headquarter about our progress for this year"

"Oh! I didn't know we do that!"

"we do that each year"

Camel finally broke his silence "Then I'm afraid I can't help you with this Akai san, I only moved back here three months ago, I don't know about your progress through the first months"

"its okay Camel, you can go if you want to, we'll call you when we get to that part if we needed help"

"Hold on, there's no way the two of us can finish this today, let's just meet up tomorrow morning and…" Jodie said.

"no, it has to be sent today before midnight"

"Crap!" Jodie sighed. She reached for her phone to call Brad as Shu walked Camel to the door, he then returned to the living room holding his laptop, he placed it on the table and sat on the couch before Jodie came to join him.

Shu looked at her from the corner of his eye remembering the day when they were in a similar situation and she leaned to kiss him, how he wishes it'd happen now, but Jodie just kept on staring at the laptop screen.

They worked for hours to make the imaginary report that Shuichi created just to prevent Jodie from going to dinner with Brad, he didn't know how but the words just came out of his mouth without putting much thought of it.

Hours passed and no hint of interest came from Jodie, she was mainly professional. Once done, it was almost 11 pm. Shu saw her dialing Brad's number and asking him to come pick her up, he just stood there helplessly, he couldn't possibly offer her a ride when he's supposed to be dead, it'd risk his mission and disguise as Subaru.

She headed outside and pretended to be coming out of Dr. Agasa's house when Brad showed up in his car, he got out and opened the passenger's seat for her, how sweet of him, Shu never thought about doing this before.

Anger swirled within Shuichi. His breath became harsh and shallow, as he watched them from the window, his hands automatically curled into fists at his sides, itching to swing out and put a dent in the wall beside him. She was his girl! he is jealous, he is in love with her, there's no need to lie to himself any longer than that.

Shu saw them smiling as they got in the car, he hadn't seen her smile like that in years, ever since they used to be together. She seemed happier, maybe Brad wasn't that bad after all, all that Shu brought her for the last couple of years was hurt and misery, she deserved someone better, someone, who'd open the car door for her to enter.

Shuichi closed the curtain and moved away to fill a glass of whiskey. No matter how terrible it felt, he wouldn't want to deprive her of her happiness, he loved her and so he should be happy now that she's happy…

* * *

"I'm sorry, I-I don't know it's just that… I don't know" Jodie sighed with her head tilted slightly forward "you're so nice and kind I'm sure that any girl would want to be with you"

"I don't want any girl, I want you" Brad said weakly.

"I'm sorry" she shook her head "it's not about you, you're how I always imagined the man I want to be with to be like but… I don't know there's something…about me and, and someone else and I feel like this is not fair to you, not that I ever cheated on you I swear, but just the fact that he pops into my mind from time to time makes me feel guilty"

"it's the man who showed up at the restaurant isn't he?" Brad asked, blue eyes fading and losing their dark shades. Jodie didn't answer, she was barely able to lift her head and look him in the eye "if you loved him then why did you date me?"

"I thought I got over him " Jodie answered gently. I thought I'll get over him was what she really meant, except that the three months she spent with brad only made her believe that she was cursed, cursed with Shu's love for eternity, he was all over her brain like terminal cancer and she finally gave up… there's no escape from him " you're a great person Brad… I'm sorry" she muttered before she went away.

* * *

Shuichi heard the bell ringing, he headed outside to answer it thankful that he had his disguise on, he turned the knob and opened the door only to find Jodie standing there weakly with her face buried between her palms.

"Jodie! What's wrong what happened?" he asked with a worry-filled tone.

"we broke up" Jodie was barely able to utter her words as the tears streamed down her face, Shuichi took her wrist and pulled her to the inside of the mansion right into his chest, he wrapped a hand around her as he closed the door with the other hand "that bastard, I'm going to find him and…"

"No, I broke up with him"

Shu placed his other hand on her in a way that he was wrapping her with both of his arms "did he do something bad?" he softly asked.

"No," Jodie said before her crying intensified.

"Shh! Its okay" he said as his hand moved to cup the back of her head "then why did you break up with him? Can you tell me that?"

Jodie didn't answer, and Shuichi didn't ask again. He just kept a promise to himself that if he ever crosses paths with Brad, he'll beat the crap out of him.

He couldn't hide the fact that he was happy she ended things with Brad, but seeing her cry made him more convinced that Jodie was totally over him and deeply in love with Brad and thus he decided to keep his feelings to himself, not that he was planning to tell her anyway, if anything he is good at, its making poker faces and acting as if everything is just fine despite having his brain boiling and his heart aching from seeing her with someone else.

* * *

Hey again! I can't believe there's only one chapter left, I'm not sure whether it should be a chapter on its own or if it should follow the story of this chapter! You can tell me what'd be better in a review.

* * *

 **Dear Sam**! Thank you so much for your reviews! I really appreciate them and they motivated me to keep on writing :* this fic will be over but I'll be writing more about Shu and Jodie cuz Shu is my favorite character and they are my favorite couple.

In fact, I created a community called **Redstarling** but then failed to find any fics about them, I'm still looking though.


	10. loss

**current timeline.**

It was a night of a full moon, the silver disc was high in the starless sky of a December giving off the only light to the cliff beneath it. It hung smoky behind the thin gray scudding clouds that failed to hide it.

"Shu, I think that's enough we should stop here" Jodie said from the passenger seat. She had her hands hanging tight on her pistol, and her blue eyes glued to the car speeding in front of them.

"We can't just stop"

"They always run away and…"

"Not this time" Shuichi interrupted with confidence. The agent wasn't stopping for anything. instead, he pressed the gas more causing the car to go even faster as Jodie placed one hand on the door next to her to gain balance.

"Can't you see they're luring us out to a trap? Otherwise, why would they lead us to a cliff where almost no car passes from"

"It doesn't matter, I'm not going home unless I get me one of them" Shuichi said before he reached a hand to his gun pulling it out, he opened the roof and took his seat belt off "take the wheel Jodie" he raised his body up with his foot on the gas pedal still.

"Shu what are you doing?" Jodie yelled

"Just try to keep us straight okay? I'm gonna try to stop them"

"You're crazy" Jodie muttered as she helplessly took the wheel from her seat keeping the car straight on the dark road.

The black Porsche in front of them was pushed to the limit, it was going over 100 km/ph with its tires squealing with each turn, and after dodging through the city for ten minutes, Gin ordered Vodka who was driving to lead them to the cliff.

Adrenaline was pumping through everyone's vessels as they continued driving at an insane speed, the Porsche suddenly swerved and the FBI agents lost sight of it.

Akai sat down muttering some curses, he felt his nerves being wracked, he followed the turn they took and finally got a visual of them.

"That's it, Jodie, this road is straight, just keep the wheel straight I won't take long"

Jodie did as he said despite her not wanting to, but it was no good time to argue.

Shuichi eyed his weapon with sharp green eyes. His cold hands were steady as they lifted the gun and aimed at the target… that's it, that's the perfect shot, he licked his lips in satisfaction before a grin split his face, after all, he never misses a shot, he was so confident that whatever thing he aims at will be penetrated by a bullet within a second.

He pressed the trigger sending the bullet that traveled through the space penetrating the cold air straight to the black Porsche, centimeter away from the tire.

His brows rose as his smiled was whipped off.

"That's it Shu sit down, please let's just go" Jodie who was as surprised as he was from his failure said, but Shu was too focused on his gun as he tried to aim at the tire again.

The backseat window of the Porsche suddenly opened, vermouth stuck her head out of it with a gun in her hand, she aimed at Akai and was about to press the trigger when the car suddenly drifted from its way a bit, by then, it was too late, the bullet aimed for Shuichi left her gun and instead of him, it rested on Jodie.

Jodie heard the loud bullet sound before her ears started ringing, she looked down at her body. The bullet wound was so small on her chest, ragged around the edges but barely bleeding even.

She let go of the wheel resting her shaking hands on the wound. The car drifted to the right hitting the mountain, and if it weren't that Shuichi had pressed the brakes seconds before the collision, it would've been so much worst.

Unlike Jodie, Shuichi didn't have his seatbelt on causing his body to jerk to the dashboard and his forehead to collide with the wheel.

A long silence enveloped the car –interrupted by the loud whistling breathing of Jodie- as Shuichi sat there waking and waking. Jodie looked at him frightened, she felt no pain, she felt nothing but concern for him forgetting all about her wound.

"Jodie… Jodie" he whispered with his head on the wheel, he wanted to help her but instead, he found himself sitting there helplessly, unable to move.

"Shu" Jodie weakly said after a while through her short breaths.

Shuichi opened his eyes suddenly as if he'd just woke, he pushed his body back to rest on the seat before looking at Jodie "your wound!" he said before he placed a hand on it "we should stop the bleeding"

"It's not bleeding much" Jodie pointed out in between her breaths, it was then that the pain got to her, she felt her chest hurt with every breath she took and she felt a desperate need to gasp for oxygen, except that all the breaths she took weren't enough to feed that need.

Shuichi opened the door and went out of the car aiming to go to where Jodie sat, once he stood up, he felt everything around him spinning but he kept walking anyway, he was more concerned about Jodie that he forgot about himself.

Once he reached her, he opened the door and kneeled down.

Jodie followed him with her eyes, he looked scared, it was the first time she's ever seen him scared through the years she knew him. Shuichi examined the wound with worry filled eyes "they shot you on your lung, its okay, it's going to be okay" he took her hand in his and reached with his other hand to the phone calling James and informing him about their location "they're going to be here in fifteen minutes, we have plenty of time, its gonna be okay, you're gonna be okay" Shuichi repeated once he hung up to reassure Jodie, although most of what he said was addressed to himself.

Though his hands were cold, her hands felt ice cold in his. Shuichi took off his black jacket placing it on her chest. Jodie's shortened breath started to steady up, not that she was able to breathe normally but it was just from the exhaustion she felt.

"This is all my fault! You told me to stop but I wouldn't listen" Shuichi muttered. Akemi visited his mind for a brief second, he caused her death and now he caused this to happen to Jodie, he tightened his grip on her hand thinking that he will never forgive himself if anything happens to her.

"I'm I'm cold" she stammered after a while.

"They're going to be here in five minutes," Shuichi said after examining his wristwatch, he checked the wound under the jacket which seemed not to leak any blood. He then rose up to hug her "do you feel warmer?"

"mmm" was all she said.

Shuichi kept his arms around her running his fingers through her hair "you're a strong woman Jodie! You're gonna make it through this…remember when you got shot before? It was vermouth too, who shot you back then wasn't she?" Shuichi asked but he got no answer, he pulled his body back to look at Jodie who looked bluish with her lower jaw trembling. His brows rose in the middle before he went out of the car closing the door behind him.

"You're late, it's been fifteen minutes where the hell are you?" Shuichi yelled taking a tone he usually never uses with his boss "... I don't care about the stupid traffic… just send us a helicopter… what do you mean you can't? She's in a bad condition James and I swear to god I will never forgive you if anything happens to her"

Akai hang up the phone ignoring the rings that followed, he rushed back to the car where he found Jodie with her eyes closed

"Jodie" he yelled but he got no answer. Shuichi reached a hand for her shoulder to move her "Jodie wake up"

Her blue eyes finally opened slowly, Jodie said nothing but groan.

"Stay with me okay!" he gently said cupping her cheeks with his hands "look at me Jodie, they're sending a helicopter, they're going to be here soon and this is all going to be over"

Jodie closed her eyes again, she was able to hear him but felt too weak to respond in any way, she felt him hugging her as he went on "please open your eyes, stay with me" she heard him swallowing hard. Shu hesitated before he continued "I can't afford to lose you, Jodie… I love you" he said with his head next to her neck before he pulled back and continued a bit louder "I love you, Jodie, I'm sorry I hurt you before but I love you, and I don't know why it took me so long to say it… because I was afraid you wouldn't forgive me I guess… but I truly do love you"

Jodie used all the strength she had to open her eyes, she looked at him for a long moment examining every little detail in his face as if she was drawing a picture of him in her mind "I l-love you too" she whispered "I'd forgiven you years ago silly" she smiled weakly before she felt a taste of blood pooling in her mouth, grazing her teeth and soaking her tongue before it came out of her lips.

"No… NO No, this can't be happening" Shuichi yelled hysterically "you know what? I'm not going to wait for them, I'm going to take you myself"

"What…" Jodie said unable to finish her sentence. The next thing she knew was Shuichi taking off her seat belt and holding her up and out of the car between his arms, that's when his eyes grew wider.

The passenger seat was soaked in blood, the bullet penetrated Jodie's chest leaving through her back, that's why she was cold, she was losing blood through her back for over twenty minutes and none of them realized it.

"This can't be happening" Shuichi whispered underneath his breath before he turned on his heels walking down the road with her weak body cuddled against his chest, the sight of the blood she had lost burnet his hopes, he found himself running desperately, he knew he wouldn't make it to the hospital, but he just kept running.

"You're not going to leave me Jodie right? You're going to be with me and we're going to celebrate Christmas together" Shuichi said as he felt her grip on his shirt weaken "wake up, you know I already bought you a present, you want to know what I got you? Say something and I'll tell you… or you can send me a signal, just press your finger against my shirt okay…Jodie! Jodie!"

Shuichi finally slowed down, he sat down on the ground with Jodie on his lap, he moved the couple of hairs that covered her face before cupping her cheek with one hand "Jodie" he whispered underneath his breath as if scared to know the answer.

The breathing sound she was making stopped, his hands trembled on her skin as he moved his finger next to her nose, no warmth was coming out of it…

Shuichi moved his hand slowly to her neck but Jodie had no pulse… she was dead… no, she wasn't… he thought as he shook his head in denial moving his finger back to her nose, and back to feel her pulse again, but no sign of life was found.

He pressed her cold body against his in a tight hug as a lump formed in his throat, he felt warm tears coming out of his eyes and down his cheeks as he sat in the middle of the road in denial to what happened, not even aware of how much time had passed before an ambulance siren reached his ear, it stopped next to them followed by James's car who came out of it frightened.

"She's dead" one of the nurses stated.

It was only then that Shuichi realized she was actually dead, he stood up right after they took her from his lap and rushed to James holding his collar "you killed her, why didn't you send a helicopter? She would've lived" he talked and the pain was too obvious in his voice.

"Shuichi kun, calm down. I did all I can do"

"you did nothing" he yelled before his voice broke"she is dead!..." Shuichi heard a buzzing sound in his ears before little stars started to alter his vision and within a second, he fell down to the ground unconscious.

* * *

Shuichi curled on the bedroom floor under a duvet, Pain throbbed so violently around his skull that it felt like it was cracked open. He managed to close all the curtains and to place the do not disturb sign on the door to his hotel room before it started intensifying, after all, darkness, quiet and stillness are the things he needs when going through one of these pain seizures.

Nausea overwhelmed him and he had to crawl his way to the bathroom to vomit, he wasn't drunk, he wished it was just a hangover but it was something worse.

In fact, Shuichi was diagnosed with a severe concussion after his head hit the car hard the day of the accident and despite having his doctor insist that he stays in the hospital, he preferred to fly to America to attend Jodie's funeral.

He laid a hand on the bathroom door and tried to stand up, he succeeded but his headache intensified, Shuichi walked his way to the suitcase, his vision would blur from time to time but he just got dressed in the suit he brought from Japan. Even if his head was killing him, he wouldn't want to be late for the funeral.

He headed back to the bathroom thankful that the pain started to ease, he took off his knit cap and started combing his hair backward, he was doing it obliviously, his eyes focusing a glassy look at his eyes reflected in the mirror.

Jodie is dead… today is her funeral… this suit and hair are to attend her funeral… he thought unable to accept what happened. Shuichi shook his head before sending his clenched fist to the mirror breaking it into little pieces, his lips trembled before tears took a trip down his cheek, she was the one who offered him a hug back when Akemi died, she was always there to get his back, but now he had no one left.

Shuichi couldn't remember the last time he cried, even when Akemi died he didn't cry, he was always strong, but when Jodie left, she took a big part of his strength. He headed back to the cuvet where he covered his head and cried for a long time, his jaw trembling like a little child as tears came out of his eyes like water from a dam, he moaned in pain, he yelled as if he was another person until Camel called him stating that he's waiting for him in the parking lot, he washed his face and headed to the funeral pretending to be the strong man he used to be...

* * *

I can't believe its finally over, and I'm sorry that the ending is sad, I might post an alternative ending once I'm finished with the exams.

This is the last chapter so please tell me what'd you think of it and of the whole fanfic.

Until next fanfic, luv u all :*


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